Hell Of A Birthday
by greengirl82
Summary: Hotch has a surprise for Emily's birthday, but the girls think it has something to do with a ring...


**Hell Of A Birthday**

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, but I've got a creative one...

Summary: Hotch has a surprise for Emily's birthday, but the girls think that it's something to do with a ring...

A/N: Thought I'd try another peppy, funny oneshot and this one to revolve around our favorite brunette's birthday. So enjoy.

Thanks for reading, and do remember to leave a review...

* * *

><p>"We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it." Author Unknown<p>

* * *

><p>Emily looked down at the paper work on her desk, and when she lifted the file up to start in on another one, she groaned.<p>

_'Who the hell left this?'_ Emily grimaced as she stared at the envelope on her desk.

Picking it up, Emily lightly fingered the back of the envelope and jumped when she saw a vase of purple lilies on her desk.

"Don't freak" JJ said as she set the vase a little closer to the desk so it wouldn't fall off "I know you openly hate when people acknowledge your..."

"Don't say it" Emily said looking at the blondes, "Don't even think it."

"What your birthday?" Garcia asked setting a small package down "Don't shoot us, just because we love to celebrate your birthday."

Emily groaned when she spotted Reid, Morgan and Dave coming towards her desk armed with presents, "I told you all no presents. This is a day to be ignored, just like any other day."

"Aw, what's the matter, Princess?" Morgan asked, "Seems like you're making out like a bandit in the present department."

Emily shot the team a look, "I don't care about the presents. It's sweet of you guys, but I just want to ignore this day."

Emily banged her head on her desk while they left their gifts down on her desk, she sighed when she saw the two blondes still standing next to her.

"What?" Emily asked looking back up at the two.

"You can only say so much with a head bashing against a desk." Garcia said, "So what's the big deal with the anti-birthday tirade?"

Emily grimaced and looked at the two women, "Why shouldn't I be glum? Another year to be reminded how I'm getting older?"

"Aw, don't get down in the dumps, Gumdrop" Garcia said, "You've still got your looks, you've still got a rocking body, you've got a killer rack and you've got a hunky boyfriend with an adorable son."

"See? You ever need a pick me up, head on over to Garcia" JJ told the brunette "So did you get a new dress for tonight?"

Emily nodded, "Yeah, Hotch said he's taking me out to a nice restaurant for my birthday."

"And you're ok with that?" Garcia asked, "Did he say anything about getting you a present?"

Emily bit her lip as she furrowed her eyebrows, "He did say he got me something special. Something orange that can rest on my finger."

JJ and Garcia looked at each other then gasps "OMG" Garcia said "You think it's?"

"Oh yeah" JJ said "It's a total..."

"What?" Emily asked looking from JJ to the excited Garcia then frowned at the two blondes.

Garcia stared at Emily, "How can you not see it? It's clear as day."

"What?" Emily repeated, "I guess I must be slow, what is it?"

JJ looked around the bullpen and saw Morgan, Reid and Dave standing by the catwalk.

"Lets go some place more private." JJ said dragging Emily out of the chair.

Standing in the ladies bathroom, Emily pulled herself free from the small blonde, "Jeez, who knew you could pack a punch, Jayje."

"Ok" Garcia said looking giddy, "So you said that his only clue is something orange that rests on your hand, right?"

"Yeah" Emily said, "So what is it you think this mystery present from Hotch is?"

JJ smirked as she looked over at Garcia who nodded, "You are so getting proposed to."

"What?" Emily asked shocked, her eyes widening as her jaw dropped, "No, no. Not going to happen. No way, no how."

"Come on, Em" Garcia said, "Rests on your hand? It's obviously a ring, and orange? He knows you despise big fancy things so its probably an opal ring which so happens to be your birthstone."

"Uh, PG? Opals are pretty much open on the color market." Emily said.

Both blondes rolled there eyes, "Please, Em. Who do you think you're talking to? You're trying to reason a way out of this." JJ said, "Em, think about this, by tomorrow you could be engaged."

Emily slumped against the wall in shock, "Oh my God."

"Well?" Garcia asked in anticipation "What are you going to say?"

Emily sighed, "Well I haven't been proposed to yet, dear."

JJ frowned then smiled, "He's obviously going to do it at the restaurant."

"You think?" Garcia asked.

"Well lets be realistic" JJ said with a grin, "He asked her to a dinner, it's her birthday and the coy little rest on your hand thing. He's going to propose to her at the restaurant."

"Well do you think hes ready to make this kind of commitment?" Garcia asked quietly, "Haley died two years ago, and all the Bureau women are hot to trot for Hotch. They haven't been dating long, I mean no offense gumdrop but are you sure you two are this solid? Why would he want to tie himself down?"

"Garcia" JJ said horrified, "Hotch wouldn't do this without thinking it through with serious contemplation. However I can tell you that if Hotch did want to propose, and Em here got in the right mind frame she could convince him to propose."

"That makes no sense, JJ" Emily muttered.

"She's saying you could get him to propose faster than Morgan gets a girls number." Garcia said "Sorry if I hurt your feelings, gumdrop. I just want to cover all my bases before planning your wedding."

Emily rolled her eyes, "Look whether he does or doesn't propose isn't even a question. The question should be, am I ready for that step."

"Well remember to check everything out before you eat or drink anything" Garcia said, "You wouldn't want to swallow your engagement ring."

"That wouldn't be fun retrieving." JJ joked but seeing the look Emily shot her muttered, "Sorry."

"Don't forget to look under the plates or napkins either" Garcia said "It'll be somewhere in something."

Looking down at her watch Emily said, "And now it's quitting time, girls."

* * *

><p>Emily smiled when Hotch pulled out her seat "Thanks."<p>

"Now don't kill me for saying this," Hotch said smirking at her, "Happy Birthday."

"Yeah, thanks" Emily murmured going for her glass of wine, but quickly held it up to the light looking for a ring.

"What are you doing?" Hotch asked raising an eyebrow to her.

"Oh," Emily said trying to hide her embarrassment, "Uh, cheers?"

Hotch smiled and clinked glasses with her, "Cheers."

Thinking over what the girls told her, she picked up her napkin and sighed when she didn't see the ring.

Shaking it lightly as she placed it in her lap, she wondered where the ring would be.

"So is your birthday everything you thought it would be?" Hotch asked seeing Emily lift up her plate "What are you doing?"

"Huh?" Emily asked setting the plate down, "Just making sure everything is in order. Oh my birthday has gone as expected but at least no ones been killed so I'll take that as a great birthday present."

Hotch smirked at her, "Well I hope that's not the best present ever."

Emily raised an eyebrow at him and seen him hold up the basket of rolls, "Hungry?"

"Thanks" Emily murmured taking a roll, and pulling it apart looking for the ring. "Hmm."

"I take it you didn't prefer that one?" Hotch asked with a perplexed eyebrow.

"Oh, it's fine." Emily said seeing no ring, stuffed the roll in her mouth chewing.

"I can't believe we've been dating for seven and a half months." Hotch said taking a sip of wine, "It doesn't seem that long."

_'Probably because I was technically dead during that duration'_ Emily thought but smiled and said, "Time sure flies."

"It really makes a person think" Hotch said, "About the future and plans."

"What kind of plans?" Emily asked seeing Hotch eye the dessert cart.

"About not wasting time," Hotch said seeing the waiter bring over a menu "We'll start with dessert first."

"Very well sir" the waiter nod as Hotch pointed out the cake he wanted.

A young man dropped by the table, "A rose for the lady."

"Thank you" Emily said looking inside the flower petals and tipped it over, hitting the petals against the table.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" Hotch asked puzzled.

"No" Emily said, lightly laughing, "Just a nervous habit."

Hotch smiled, "There's nothing to be nervous about."

The waiter brought over their cakes, and Emily looked at the chocolate treat in front of her internally sighing.

_'Probably in here'_ Emily thought picking up her fork, she lightly scrapped at the frosting.

Hotch looked over at her, and frowned, "Honey? You know how much I love you, right?"

"Uh huh" Emily said lightly scrapping at the inside of the cake, trying to be careful.

"I want this to be the best birthday for you" Hotch said biting into his own cake, "God this is good."

"Mm hmm" Emily said going over each piece carefully.

"Aren't you hungry?" Hotch asked seeing her pick at the cake.

"Oh, yeah" Emily said trying to focus on not mashing her fingers into the cake, "Just trying to savor it."

Emily put a piece of cake in her mouth, "Good."

Hotch smiled at the brunette beauty before him, who took more of an interest in the food before her.

"Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look?" Hotch told her placing a hand on hers, "And I've never seen anyone so invested in their food."

Emily looked up with an embarrassed tint on her cheeks.

"I hope you enjoyed everything" Hotch said watching Emily empty the contents of the sugar bowl into her tea "I've never seen someone go for so much sugar, not even Reid."

Emily chuckled nervously, "Well you know me, and there wasn't any Splenda around."

Hotch watched as Emily stirred the tea loudly looking puzzled as she looked everything over on the table.

"Well I guess I should get down to the business of your present." Hotch said, watching as the maitre'd brought over a silver tray with a lid on it "Ok, now I know my clues are so obvious, but I just couldn't resist."

Emily smiled nervously as she bit her lip, "Yeah?"

"First you have to close your eyes" Hotch said smiling at her.

Emily closed her eyes, she bit the inside of her cheek as her hands fiddled nervously together "Alright, closed."

Hotch lifted the lid off the tray, "Ok, now open them."

Emily's felt the air leave her body, in front of her was a orange canary bird, in a small cage.

"Alright, what do you think?" Hotch asked looking from her to the bird.

Emily was stunned, "A bird?" Laughing nervously, "This was my birthday surprise?"

Hotch nodded, "I know you have a cat, but I don't think Sergio would go after him."

"Him?" Emily repeated peering in at the chirping bird "This is a red-factor canary?"

Hotch grinned at that, she could identify the bird, "They are very chipper birds and are one of those song birds."

"Huh" Emily said leaning back, _'Stupid JJ and Garcia. A bird not a proposal.'_

* * *

><p>"Well this orange and it can rest on my fingers." Emily said kicking herself for believing the girls "Well I can honestly say that I've never gotten a present like this before."<p>

"So you like it?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah" Emily said lightly, "It's cute."

"You're disappointed" Hotch said observantly.

"Oh no," Emily said patting his hand, "It's a great gift."

Hotch leaned back in the booth, "I thought my clues were obvious."

"No" Emily said laughing, "Don't you worry. Not in a million years, could I have guessed this."

"You're not happy with the gift?" Hotch asked, "I'm sorry, I thought you'd like it."

Covering her hands with her mouth, stifling her laugh, "Oh my God."

"Emily, you don't know why I got him for you do you?" Hotch asked.

"I don't know." Emily said laughing.

"You don't remember that first night together? Where we stayed up talking about our childhoods, and you said that all you wanted was a pet? And how your friend had a canary that sang? And how you wanted one so badly?" Hotch said.

"Yeah, I remember" Emily said, "Aaron, that's really sweet but honestly..."

"It wasn't what you were expecting." Hotch finished.

"Well it's different when you're an adult then when you're eleven years old and had to give your pet dog away." Emily said seeing the disappointed look on Hotch's face, "But Aaron, this was sweet. Really, no one has ever done anything like this for me ever."

Hotch looked over to see Emily sip her drink, "Just out of curiosity, what did you think was your gift?"

Emily cleared her throat, "Never mind, it's not important."

Hotch took the glass away from her, "Emily you tore our dinner and dessert apart looking for something..."

Emily seen him set the glass down, "Orange, and rests on your hand..." Hotch repeated looking over at her.

"It was a stupid idea any ways" Emily said quickly, "And it wasn't even my idea, it was the girls conclusion. I was still in the dark right before coming here."

"Oh my God" Hotch said looking over at the chirping bird, "You were expecting a ring."

"A ring?" Emily repeated, "No, no. I was not expecting a ring."

"You can't fool a profiler, Emily" Hotch said shaking his head, "You tore rolls apart and crushed rose petals, you were eyeing for engagement rings."

Emily looked him straight in the eye, "I was not. And besides even if I were expecting one I had no answer to anything remotely like that."

Raising an eyebrow at her, "Lets not go down that 'was not, was too' route" Hotch said chuckling as he sipped his wine, "Well I am flattered."

Emily raised an eyebrow, "Flattered? You think this is funny?"

"A beautiful gorgeous brunette like you would want to marry a man like me." Hotch said smiling "A perfect little family."

"This is so not amusing" Emily muttered "This is hardly my dream."

"Bull" Hotch said smirking, "Lets do it, lets get married. Forget the ring, we'll pick one up on the way back, raise the Jack and the bird together."

"You are insane" Emily said taking his wine glass, "What the hell?"

Hotch pouted, "You don't want to marry me?"

Emily rolled her eyes, "I don't know, someday. But this wasn't my idea, this was all Garcia and JJ's fault. I was perfectly content with how we are until they opened their big mouths."

"Well I'm going to hold you to that." Hotch said with a serious tone, "Because I do think you are worth marrying, when the time is right and we're both ready."

Emily sighed, "Good, because I have myself already lined up on the betting pool."

"What?" Hotch asked "What betting pool?"

"There's a ten to one odd on how long it will take to get you down the aisle again" Emily said with a smirk, "And there's big money on years down the road."

"Oh really?" Hotch said, "And just how much is this pool?"

Emily smirked, "You're not cutting me out of the profits. I'm not telling."

Faking a pout, "Then how am I suppose to know when to propose?" Hotch said seeing her smirk.

Emily laughed, "Guess with all the secretaries, agents, our team and Garcia... I'd say its a safe bet to go in the hundreds of thousands..."

Hotch's jaw dropped, "Ah, Dave."

"Yep" Emily said laughing "Come on, lets go home."

"Don't forget your bird" Hotch said, "What's his name?"

Emily frowned, "I don't know, but better keep him some place safe, Sergio doesn't like competition."

"I got the perfect name for him" Hotch said smiling, "How about Greg?"

"Greg?" Emily said wrinkling her nose, "Not bad. I guess."

* * *

><p>"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." Jennifer Yane<p>

* * *

><p><strong>The End<strong>

The review button wondered what you thought of the story... And no, no sequels.


End file.
